Goobye Hello Realising
by feathersxblood
Summary: The first goodbye.
1. Goodbye

Goodbye's. Hello's. Promise's.

JacobxBella. Edward leaves, leaving Bella broken and shattered. She has her safe harbour, Jacob Black. 3 Rating for mild language. I can't help it, come naturally.

Chapter One

** G O O D B Y E **

Edward took a step away from me.

"That's everything I supose..."

He couldn't even meet my eyes as I tried to figure out what was going on.

What was he getting to?

"We won't bother you again..."

Woah.

Wait right there. What was that? That plural part..?

That 'we'?

What the hell was going on?

It couldn't be...

Something clicked inside of me. A light suddenly came to me. A realisation dawned as everything, slot by slot, fell into place. Breaking me apart bit by bit as it did, the nightmare more evident.

Why hadn't I seen this coming?

After everything.

After he'd been so.. Off. So different with me.

So reluctant to spend time with me...

The first person I thought of, I asked him about. Wanting his answer.

Knowing that it'd hurt if he confirmed my suspicions.

"_Alice_.. She's not coming back is she..?"

My throat had constricted. Tightening, my mind struggling to keep a grasp on speaking. Trying to get me to ask all the questions, but knowing that he'd never answer them all. It was the end..

This was... Goodbye?

And I couldn't even see the reason why.

Why was he leaving me? What had happened?

What had I done?

I shook my head, hearing the last parts of his words.

"-They're all gone, I stayed behind to tell you goodbye-"

Something lodged in my throat.

It really was going to be a goodbye.

That I hadn't been wrong about. It was goodbye for definate.

My saviour was leaving me.

He was going...

I wouldn't see him again.

I caught the next words just about, lost in the thoughts that made this nightmare all the more real and all the less bearable.

"-I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you...-"

Better? How the hell was this better?!

How was any of this supposed to be better?

They had gone. The people I had come to love, even Rosalie and her vile temper towards me. And Jasper and his cautious distances.

Esme.. She was my second mother, here in Forks.

Carlise.. Someone who was compassionate, someone who had saved my life the summer before in that Ballet Studio.

Emmett.. The big brother I'd always want. The one always there to crack the inappropriate jokes and make me laugh, and Alice..

That hurt the most.

Little Alice.. It didn't fit her with how I knew her.. But.. My closest friend here.. The one who'd seen this happening. No wonder she'd avoided me. She wouldn't have been able to say goodbye.

I wouldn't have let her.

The rest of the puzzle clicked into place.

Why they hadn't been in school... And why Edward had kissed me with so much fury... So much _passion_..

It was out last kiss.

And... This was our last time together...

Trying to breathe, I caught his words, his voice serene. Peaceful.

"-Goodbye Bella."

Goodbye?

No. Wait. There had to be more.. I couldn't live on that. I couldn't.. This nightmare was just too much.

"No- No Edward- Edward wait-" I choked my words out, reaching for him quickly, willing my body to lunge forwards and catch hold of his marble hands. Just another second of time, if this was it. If this was forever, I didn't want to loose him so easily.

Within that split second, I thought he had reached out to me too.

If I was so lucky.

He'd gripped my wrists and pressed his lips to my forehead.

Restraining me.

He didn't even want me to touch him...

"Take care of yourself Bella,"

And he was gone. He had released me and I stumbled forwards.

I was alone.. Trapped in this nightmare, his scent lingering in the air as I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.

He was gone.. I was alone.. I was.. Alone.

_**It will be as if I'd never existed...**_

My love.. My life.. All meaning. It was over.


	2. Alive

Chapter Two

** A L I V E **

_"Bella? Can we talk?"_

I turned slowly, the voice not registering in my mind, Then again. Not much did. The voice loud enough to hear, but not so it registered and stuck in my brain. It didn't imprint upon it.

It didn't care to do so.

Edward had gone..

Without a real goodbye. He had gone and he had left me in that clearing, on the trail. I had drifted out and curled up, only to loose sense of everything.  
Only to have Charlie call up everyone he knew, and a stranger carry me home.

I knew his name now, the man who had become another saviour to me. Sam Uley.

Apparently, I was a mess when I was found. I had been crying until I could no more. Until I physically ran out of tears.

I had been led on the dirt ground.. Rough looking and.. I didn't even want to think about it.

Seeing it reflected in other's eyes when they thought back on it hurt me enough.

But. I'd been left. He had left me broken. He didn't want me anymore. That's why he'd left me. It had to be. His perfection standing alone next to..

Next to what?

What did I have compared to someone who looked like a greek god, carved from marble?

What did I have next to perfection?

I was average.

I was.. Just Bella.

And now. I was Bella. The one he had left there.. _Alone_... Didn't he even think about what this would do to me?

The person I loved. The only person I have ever loved. If person covers what he is...

He had my heart, and in it's place now, was a canvas of black mass. It was empty. There was nothing but the dull stabbing pain I felt instead.

Alice had gone...

I didn't even have a chance to shout at her for her last attempted make over.

I didn't have anyone to confide within, I didn't.. I didn't have Alice. That was the worst part. I didn't have her sceptic visions of what other trauma would have the lot of them in a panic. I didn't know if I'd be falling over soon, they wouldn't be taking bets on how many times I did...

There'd be nothing now.

With Alice. Jasper had gone. His sense of serenity along with him. His power to calm down my moods when I had the tendancy to overreact. All that was gone. Even without being close to him. He had gone.

Another safe harbour.

Someone I'd grown closer to, yet not too much, over the last year.

Rosalie.

Her impecable beauty.. My envy was still there. It had grown. Was she with... _**Him**_... Now? She had everything I'd dreamt about. The flawless beauty, and then.. She was near.. Well.. You get the picture.

She had what I didn't, even more so now.

And Emmett.

God. Emmett. The bear. The loveable kind of person who would take the complete piss out of me, who would cheer me up though.

Who would.. Be just like a real brother.

Someone who'd promised to defend me against Tyler next time he tried to run me over. Always joking about how I fell down, and always having said that everything had livened up since Edward had, 'kept me alive'.

Maybe that was his mistake.

Maybe he should have let Tyler crush me that first year we met. When he ignored me for my first week.

Maybe things would have worked out and I'd be happily in love with someone normal.

Someone like Mike.

I snorted aloud at the thought, then realised Charlie was still waiting for me to answer him.

Turning slowly to him, my voice cracking as I spoke, my voice sounding foreign, having not used it recently.

Having lost the will to communicate unless nescessary.  
"Sure, nice weather isn't it? What do you want to talk about-" I magaed to croak, turning to see the lines of worry in his face, crinkling as I turned, face blank and expressionless.

If he started another thing on.. _**Him**_. I would go insane.

He had once said, that it would be better for me to at least be angry for what... _**He**_... Had done.

That I should hate him..

But I couldn't.

I loved him. No.. I love him. I still do.

I always will.

Won't I?

"I was just, you've changed..."

Evidentally.

"I know you're going out and all, but you're always alone.."

Oh. Stab. Why not throw another one in there just for good measure? Thanks a bunch for reminding me that nobody at school had fully forgiven me for drifting off with _**them **_ so suddenly, and springing back when they'd left.

"-Just.. Don't neglect your friends, hey-" Charlie looked up, an idea hitting him. Something no doubt he didn't have much confidence in. "-What about Jake, you've not been to La Push in a while, why not go and see him?"

I could hear the hopeful tone in his voice and forced myself to smile. Though, it wasn't too bad.

Jacob.. Yeah. I could do that. It was the least I could do.

"Alright.." I nodded, smiling and headed to the kitchen.

Charlie raised an eyebrow. Did he honestly believe I was suicidal enough to shoot myself with the gun he kept hung there?

"What're you doing?" He asked, sceptical, eyes twitching to where the gun belt lay and where I walked past, to the phone.

As if it wasn't obvious.

"Calling Jake," I said, a casual shrug on my shoulders as I spoke, turning my back on him as the dial tone came on.

"-Billy..? Hi, it's Bella.. Yeah, I'm fine. Mhm. No. Sure I'll pass the message along-"

Why had I agreed to this? I rolled my eyes as Billy chattered on. He was like an old woman once he started.

"-Mm... Look -Listen, is Jake there...? Great.. Yeah, if you could. Thanks.." I turned to see Charlie smile softly, a slow expression crossing his face.

Relief?

Happiness?

Something like that...

"Hey Jake.."

I really hoped I didn't sound bored. I didn't want to offend the only person left to talk to me.

He didn't care. I musn't have, his reply was just as enthusiastic.

I probably could have said I was eloping with Mike to Alaska somewhere and he'd sound euphoric for that too...

Alright. Maybe that was an over statement.

But he was there.

Cherry as ever.

"Bella? Oh.. Wow. Hey.. It's good to hear from you, how're you?"

His voice, already deep set. It had comforted me already. Even with the awkward question of my well being poised out there, the stabbing pain had eased off.


	3. My Safe Harbour

Chapter 3

** M Y - S A F E - H A R B O U R **

"Hey Bella!"

That was what I needed to hear.

I grinned, an actual emotion felt grin, something that hurt my muscles to accomplish, not having felt it in a while. I smiled, turning away from Charlie, watching as he left to go into the Black's little house. How that had housed Jacob, I'd never know. Did the boy ever stop growing? I chuckled at the thought, the hand around my ribs and stomach loosening.

I didn't need to hold myself together here...

Not anymore I didn't.

Not now.

My own feet turned me to walk down to the pebbled beach, where Jacob'd called me over from.

It was odd here.

It was.. Sort of like a haven. It was serene. Blissful. It felt.. Strangley comfortable. Or maybe it was just the company that housed here.

As I came up to Jacob, he was ready.

He was going to pounce and say something. It was in his face. I could read him as easy as I could Wuthering Heights.

"What is it Jacob?" I asked, looking up to him and rolling my eyes. "Whatever you're planning on saying, bloody well say it.. I know you're going to burst if you don't,"

He grinned at me. Or down to me as I looked up, coming to sit next to him, on the pale tree crossing over near the fire pit, filled with the blackened ashes of driftwoor, the perfect place to hide out when you didn't want finding.

The perfect place to hold illegal parties in the middle of the night and not disturb anyone..

The perfect place overall.

"Maybe we can catch a movie.." He shrugged lightly, it was only a suggestion after all, "I mean, just the two of us?"

A date?

So soon?

I'd not expected that to say anything else. I'd become aware of Jacob's closeness, his constant hugging and hand holding.. But.. It didn't make us anything.

One of the guys had asked if I was his girlfriend...

Was I?

Was that what we were?

It couldn't be, this was.. Just Jacob and Bella. Bella and Jacob.  
We were close.

But.. How close?

I swallowed and thought back on his words, looking to him slightly, cautious with my expresison. Guarded almost.

Everything was alright around Jacob.. I.. Held together. I didn't break down. I didn't collapse into a wreck, I didn't even feel myself tearing apart. I felt instead, like I was being sewn back togther.

Jacob held me together.

He looked across to me from where we sat, his warm body leaning against mine, keeping me relaxed.

"Look, Bells, if you know.." He started, but I waved him down, hushing him so I could think.

Edward wasn't coming back.

He had left. He'd made that much clear. He didn't want me, and I wasn't going to be able to wait forever and push everyone away.

I loved him. But.. It was hard enough already. Why couldn't I have had Jacob born like my brother?

To have some claim on him, without leading him astray?

I swallowed and looked to him, his face already having lost the boyishness, coming into a chiselled handsome set. He'd grown about a foot already in the space I'd missed him.

Why not? Why couldn't I move on..? I'd never get Edward, he'd made that clear by leaving.. And Jacob would take me.

He'd made that clear.. He'd take me as I was, no strings attactched, he'd take me this way.

Damaged goods.

"Sure,"

And I smiled. I actually smiled. Somehthing brightening inside me as I saw the same grin I'd fallen for reflect upon his face.

"Sure.. Alright.." I nodded. "Why not?"

Jacob grinned, pulling me into a bear hug, nearly braking my ribs again.

"Exactly, why not.."

I could have sworn, while I was mangled in his arms, his lips brushed my hair and left a chaste kiss on my head. A promise kiss.

Something for me to think on.

He knew I wa damaged. He knew I'd take time..

And he was willing to help, he was willing to take his time.

Maybe I would be alright..

As long as I had Jacob. I knew I'd be alright...

I had my Jacob.

Jacob Black. My safe harbour.

** F I N **


End file.
